soreness and bitterness

lets get this over with. thailand was brief. it began in bangkok, as many thai adventures do. my adventures there revolved around kick-boxing. myself and then travelling companion richard bought ring side seats for an evening of man-fighting delirium. it was fantastic. two days later i trained with one of bangkok's kick-boxing teams. i'm not going to say i was embarrassed, i was just really embarrassed. they're all very tough men. i am not as tough as they are. i left in a world of pain. so much pain i was hobbling round hua hin for the next 4 days.

From Hua Hin

in hua hin i stayed with my old friend emile. he lives in the middle of a pineapple field and rides a scooter round all day. good man. hua hin's a good place to visit. the king lives there. we attempted to visit the king and were chased by men sporting sub-machine guns. the king doesn't do visitors. selfish. we played football with locals, visited a monkey temple, danced many nights and avoided as many ladyboys as possible. i finally had a massage and my legs were fixed. no more exercise for me. a detox is in order.

From Ko Tao

the detox took place on the islands of koh tao and koh samui. you hear a lot about these islands. some people love them, some people hate them. koh tao is beautiful. i spent my time snorkeling, lying on the beach and doing yoga. who do i think i am? geri haliwell that's who. i had my own little bungalow for 5 pounds, which was a bargain during the day when i had amazing views over the harbour, but by night the crabmen came out in force and attacked my bungalow with their deceitful claws. big massive crabs that david attenborough talks about. him or richard anyway. one of them does jurassic park. not him. the other one. the crabs forced me from my bungalow after my second night. i kid you not. koh tao is nice. but if you're not in to diving or snorkeling you could easily give it a miss. koh samui on the other hand should be avoided at all costs. unless of course your body is covered with tattoos of anchors, you like fighting in the street and taking ladyboys home. then it's heaven.

From Penang

i was ruined by the recent law change in thailand that gives you 14 days on arrival instead of 30. having spent 13 days in the land of the king i had to make a run for a border. malaysia was the border of choice and penang the desired destination. what should have been a basic 10 hour journey turned out to be a 20 hour monstrosity involving 9 buses and 2 ferries. that's 9 buses. count them. i bet you can't. in the picture above, a friendly american tourist caught my mood on the the last leg of the journey, the ferry across to georgetown, penang. i have the look of a serial killer in my eyes. murder was rife that night. rife i tells thee.

From Penang

penang turned out to be an excellent choice. there's so much food there. i must have eaten seven meals a day on average. indian, chinese and malay. ok i didn't have much malay but indian and chinese, they're special. i stayed in penang for 3 nights and made many new friends, including a local duo called john and geoff (they sound local) who took me and 2 others to a local karaoke bar. karaoke is serious business in asia. it was about as much fun as a lobotomy. the clubbing after made up for it though. i saw a monitor lizard as well. not in the club. by the harbour. he was huge.

From Penang

right that's me done again. i'm in kuala lumpar at the moment. i'm going to see what's happening in town tonight. i'm guessing lots of touts trying to rip tourists off. yes. i'm right. and i'm not even outside yet. i'm like some sort of wizard.

catty suckles and burns

lets begin. i'm in malaysia. since i last wrote i've been in cambodia, thailand, malaysia, indonesia then back to malaysia. i'm not proud of it, it's just a fact. i'm like michael barrymore, i've been everywhere. no more barrymore jokes. it's late, and i've got to be up at 6am tomorrow for a bus so this will be breif.

From Mekong Delta

myself and my merry clan of companions caught a boat down the mekong delta from vietnam to cambodia. again it was amazing, get over it. we left our passports in the hotel so i had to disembark (good word) the boat and fetch them like the good dog that i am. when i returned to said boat there was a man electricuting fish (see above). good lad. fish have had it coming for a long time now. the reaper has arrived.

From Phnom Penh

cambodia is my favourite country. phnom penh is mental. sihanoukville is beautiful. siam reap is amazing. they call me the abjective. in phnoh penh i stayed in a hostel with holes in the floor so you could see downstairs, and the room was ran off a car battery, so it was with a light and a fan or no light and no fan. not helpful camobodia. not helpful.

From Phnom Penh

the hostel was near a lake and i took an arty photograph of a plant and a chair. it was early and my breakfast was taking ages. too much detail. i worked in an orphange (good), saw the killing fields and the S21 prison (good but sad) then boarded a bus to sihanoukville and had my brain melted by more asian karaoke (bad). i f**king dispise that karaoke. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO PLAY IT SO LOUD? 2 valium's later and i'm in sihanoukville. good.

From Phnom Penh Orphanage

all i remember from sihanoukville is going out lots, going on a jet ski and my birthday. on my birthday (national aids day, climb on, not literally), i had the best day. we hired mopeds and drove round all day, we had a wierd meat soup for lunch which matt was scoffing down until he realised that the meatballs were testicles and the jelly treat was in fact a penis. get it down your neck matthew. we saw the sunset on the beach then had a night out sporting radiant dresses, monobrows and mustaches. a wonderful time was had by all.

From Sihanoukville

in siam reap myself and rich somehow managed to run in a 3km fun run around the temples of ankor at 7am before sight-seeing all day. i can't remember how or why we did this. but i have a certificate so it definitely happened. the temples are the best temples ever. fact. fact of zeus. and i know my temples. nothing more to say than that really. i'll put a picture in of one. in fact i've just found a photo of me and that certificate. it did happen. although i'm standing straight and the background is tilted. hows that happen? i digress.

From Temples of Ankor

forget it. it's over. i'm too tired. that was cambodia anyway. i'm going to bed. thailand's overrated, penang is cool, as is langkawi, where a met a man calling himself captain black sparrow, i've seen chimps, ginger ones and the like in sumatra, and i spent new year in lake toba which was interesting. all tales for another day. adios.