soreness and bitterness

lets get this over with. thailand was brief. it began in bangkok, as many thai adventures do. my adventures there revolved around kick-boxing. myself and then travelling companion richard bought ring side seats for an evening of man-fighting delirium. it was fantastic. two days later i trained with one of bangkok's kick-boxing teams. i'm not going to say i was embarrassed, i was just really embarrassed. they're all very tough men. i am not as tough as they are. i left in a world of pain. so much pain i was hobbling round hua hin for the next 4 days.

From Hua Hin

in hua hin i stayed with my old friend emile. he lives in the middle of a pineapple field and rides a scooter round all day. good man. hua hin's a good place to visit. the king lives there. we attempted to visit the king and were chased by men sporting sub-machine guns. the king doesn't do visitors. selfish. we played football with locals, visited a monkey temple, danced many nights and avoided as many ladyboys as possible. i finally had a massage and my legs were fixed. no more exercise for me. a detox is in order.

From Ko Tao

the detox took place on the islands of koh tao and koh samui. you hear a lot about these islands. some people love them, some people hate them. koh tao is beautiful. i spent my time snorkeling, lying on the beach and doing yoga. who do i think i am? geri haliwell that's who. i had my own little bungalow for 5 pounds, which was a bargain during the day when i had amazing views over the harbour, but by night the crabmen came out in force and attacked my bungalow with their deceitful claws. big massive crabs that david attenborough talks about. him or richard anyway. one of them does jurassic park. not him. the other one. the crabs forced me from my bungalow after my second night. i kid you not. koh tao is nice. but if you're not in to diving or snorkeling you could easily give it a miss. koh samui on the other hand should be avoided at all costs. unless of course your body is covered with tattoos of anchors, you like fighting in the street and taking ladyboys home. then it's heaven.

From Penang

i was ruined by the recent law change in thailand that gives you 14 days on arrival instead of 30. having spent 13 days in the land of the king i had to make a run for a border. malaysia was the border of choice and penang the desired destination. what should have been a basic 10 hour journey turned out to be a 20 hour monstrosity involving 9 buses and 2 ferries. that's 9 buses. count them. i bet you can't. in the picture above, a friendly american tourist caught my mood on the the last leg of the journey, the ferry across to georgetown, penang. i have the look of a serial killer in my eyes. murder was rife that night. rife i tells thee.

From Penang

penang turned out to be an excellent choice. there's so much food there. i must have eaten seven meals a day on average. indian, chinese and malay. ok i didn't have much malay but indian and chinese, they're special. i stayed in penang for 3 nights and made many new friends, including a local duo called john and geoff (they sound local) who took me and 2 others to a local karaoke bar. karaoke is serious business in asia. it was about as much fun as a lobotomy. the clubbing after made up for it though. i saw a monitor lizard as well. not in the club. by the harbour. he was huge.

From Penang

right that's me done again. i'm in kuala lumpar at the moment. i'm going to see what's happening in town tonight. i'm guessing lots of touts trying to rip tourists off. yes. i'm right. and i'm not even outside yet. i'm like some sort of wizard.